Memorial Day weekend, remembering dead soldiers with bbq tongs and safe enough e coli levels at the beach: Is that a floating diaper? Surfs up!
Well, not me my friend. I am choosing to honor the fallen by staying in on a perfectly sunny day, oh yes all day, here comes night fall, and I am catching up on the Tot Mom trial.
Because I am a very scary person. Oh, sure. I love to cuddle cats, eat candy & will wear a beard for special occasions--(is that scary too? dammit...) The Tot Mom trial is getting all of my attention. You had me at "baby missing for 31 days".
I can't get enough of murderous moms!
I don't even want to talk about it with anyone too much. If you don't know who Tot Mom is, then you get on the google and let Nancy tell you all about it. I am in too deep. I'm all like winnie the pooh blanket, stolen checkbook, xanax?
It's week one of the trial. My husband left some time today. I couldn't say when. He is calling it my superbowl. Is that scary?
To clarify, I'm not pro Tot Mom. I actually hope that by staring at the TV with laser eyes that I can make sure she gets at least life in prison. Just keep staring, and she will stay in jail.
So that is what I'm doing for our fallen soldier Caylee Marie Anthony. That's the tot, by the way.
Someone should probably stop me.
xo
help
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Band-Aids :o
Band-Aids are scary. You know, used ones.
Ahh!! Just typing that scared me!
They are like little curtains to a tiny horror show. Behind every Band-Aid is something to cry about.
Sometimes people wear Band-aids on their face. That means it's so bad. That person had to put a bandage on their face rather then show the world how scary their face has gotten.
Imagine eating Band-Aids.
This is getting gross. But say you had to! The had to scenario...visiting a friend in a foreign country. It's the custom to eat used Band-aids in..where are the Johnson & Johnsons from? There. Eat up.
And why not just say Johnsons? That's scary. "oh, I'm JohnSON and he's JOHNson! There's a difference, OKAY!! Write Johnson & Johnson on EVERYTHING, got it? I don't care how long it takes. Eat your lunch on your own time, like for dinner. When you're here you eat Band-Aids." They are scary bosses. You can tell.
Bear Grylls probably eats Band-Aids for the protein. He doesn't remember what stuff is supposed to taste like. Or he has no mouth. It's just a hole that descends right into his stomach, Plop!
Confession: one time, when I worked at a cafe, and it was a busy lunch and I was by myself, and well, I made sandwiches and salads, and I know I HAD been wearing a Band-Aid when the lunch rush started. But I couldn't find it when things died down. I looked. I walked by all the tables and checked on people as they bit into a turkey sandwiches with swiss. The hot and sour soup really looked like a Band-Aid soup. And that day maybe it was...
Ahh!
I decided to go with Band-Aid rather than adhesive bandages because nobody would say that except some kind of anti-globalization hippie (hunch). Just like Kleenex. Although I do like saying "tissue". That is a fun word.
Remember how scary Band Aid was? That thing in the 80s, run by Bob Geldof. That was the weirdest part. Like who was that guy? Boomtown Rats had one song, "I don't like Mondays", and that song was about a kid going Klebold. Why did he get to do all that and everyone listened and showed up? Something up with that. Something probably really scary.
Gonna go nab that Boomtown song for my pod.
"Nobody's gonna go to school today, she's gonna make them stay at home!"
--ps why isn't that song a movie?
--pps why is it the best song ever now?
-PPSS I think I will do anything Sir Bob Geldof tells me.
PPsss Ok, nothing. hi. xo
Ahh!! Just typing that scared me!
They are like little curtains to a tiny horror show. Behind every Band-Aid is something to cry about.
Sometimes people wear Band-aids on their face. That means it's so bad. That person had to put a bandage on their face rather then show the world how scary their face has gotten.
Imagine eating Band-Aids.
This is getting gross. But say you had to! The had to scenario...visiting a friend in a foreign country. It's the custom to eat used Band-aids in..where are the Johnson & Johnsons from? There. Eat up.
And why not just say Johnsons? That's scary. "oh, I'm JohnSON and he's JOHNson! There's a difference, OKAY!! Write Johnson & Johnson on EVERYTHING, got it? I don't care how long it takes. Eat your lunch on your own time, like for dinner. When you're here you eat Band-Aids." They are scary bosses. You can tell.
Bear Grylls probably eats Band-Aids for the protein. He doesn't remember what stuff is supposed to taste like. Or he has no mouth. It's just a hole that descends right into his stomach, Plop!
Confession: one time, when I worked at a cafe, and it was a busy lunch and I was by myself, and well, I made sandwiches and salads, and I know I HAD been wearing a Band-Aid when the lunch rush started. But I couldn't find it when things died down. I looked. I walked by all the tables and checked on people as they bit into a turkey sandwiches with swiss. The hot and sour soup really looked like a Band-Aid soup. And that day maybe it was...
Ahh!
I decided to go with Band-Aid rather than adhesive bandages because nobody would say that except some kind of anti-globalization hippie (hunch). Just like Kleenex. Although I do like saying "tissue". That is a fun word.
Remember how scary Band Aid was? That thing in the 80s, run by Bob Geldof. That was the weirdest part. Like who was that guy? Boomtown Rats had one song, "I don't like Mondays", and that song was about a kid going Klebold. Why did he get to do all that and everyone listened and showed up? Something up with that. Something probably really scary.
Gonna go nab that Boomtown song for my pod.
"Nobody's gonna go to school today, she's gonna make them stay at home!"
--ps why isn't that song a movie?
--pps why is it the best song ever now?
-PPSS I think I will do anything Sir Bob Geldof tells me.
PPsss Ok, nothing. hi. xo
Saturday, May 21, 2011
End of the World!
It's all over in two hours-ish. Can't say for sure--my compy's clock is always wrong. It's a really lame Twilight Zone episode, where I'm just five minutes early for everything. I'm like: where is everybody oh my god! and they are like: you are just early, Mary.
But, oh yeah. End of World! Done! I just finished a leftover Burrito. Is that what they meant by tie up loose ends?
Was expecting to see some Rapture dancers at Union Square today. Nope, just dumb kids in a parade in costumes, marching bands, people on stilts--Boring! It's the end of the world! Let's step it up a bit, peoples.
I guess the Rapturites are up on a hill somewhere. Hopefully someone remembered a hibachi to cook up some last day wieners. You could get hungry waiting for angels to come--that's what the deal is right?
Pretty sure we are going to be okay because...
Christians aren't great at math. Remember when they said the Earth was made in 7 days? And the big flood, 40 days? Remember that movie Six days, Seven nights? That always makes me think.
The scariest thing about the end of the world is that a bunch of people believe it. And then they are not going to have that to believe in at 6:08. I was gonna say 6:01, but they will give it a few minutes I bet.
What can they believe in to replace the end of the world? Wide pants are back? Cheese filled cheese filled pizza? Then end of Seinfeld reruns?
I'm going to think of some stuff for them to believe in and send them a message. But if you run into anyone, can you throw a blanket over them around 6pm? Like you know you would do with a parrot to tell it to go to sleep?
But, oh yeah. End of World! Done! I just finished a leftover Burrito. Is that what they meant by tie up loose ends?
Was expecting to see some Rapture dancers at Union Square today. Nope, just dumb kids in a parade in costumes, marching bands, people on stilts--Boring! It's the end of the world! Let's step it up a bit, peoples.
I guess the Rapturites are up on a hill somewhere. Hopefully someone remembered a hibachi to cook up some last day wieners. You could get hungry waiting for angels to come--that's what the deal is right?
Pretty sure we are going to be okay because...
Christians aren't great at math. Remember when they said the Earth was made in 7 days? And the big flood, 40 days? Remember that movie Six days, Seven nights? That always makes me think.
The scariest thing about the end of the world is that a bunch of people believe it. And then they are not going to have that to believe in at 6:08. I was gonna say 6:01, but they will give it a few minutes I bet.
What can they believe in to replace the end of the world? Wide pants are back? Cheese filled cheese filled pizza? Then end of Seinfeld reruns?
I'm going to think of some stuff for them to believe in and send them a message. But if you run into anyone, can you throw a blanket over them around 6pm? Like you know you would do with a parrot to tell it to go to sleep?
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