back to scary!

I have been away from bloggy too long!  But I had to get all things Casey Anthony out of my head.  I had to recapture summertime feelings.  I haven't even been watching my best friend Nancy Grace.

I'm a different person now. 

But I'm still scary.

Today's scary is lady magazines.

Lady magazines can be very helpful, ie. good ab workouts, nice things to do with heirloom tomatoes, jeans for my type--big pockets are very slimming :D

They can be very whatevery, too:  great snacks in Rhode Island (not going there),  new uses for a balloon= flower preserver, you guys! (ok...), and how to grill food.  I DON'T HAVE A GRILL!!  STOP MAKING ME MAD!!

But then some lady magazines can be downright SCARY.   That magazine's name is W.  More like WTF, am I right people?

First of all, it's giant.  Like, twice as big as other lady magazines.  So that means Julia Roberts getting sniffed by Tom Hanks on the cover is that much bigger and SCARIER!

Everyone in the magazine is so big.  Gwen Stefani head is totally freaking me out, whereas before I was only a little freaked out by her head.

articles are: Prada museum, lipo for your neck, highlights from Milan furniture fair.  AHHH!!

then there is this part: J'adore:  and there was Celerie Kemble's obsessions.  And they're all like, i love gold.  I'm obsessed with purses made of money.  I love the smell of flowers littered over every square inch of my life.  It's nice.  Seriously.  here is a quote: "i recently fell in love with a pair of 19th century Chinese earrings made of gilded silver and brilliant aqua kingfisher feathers."

are you so afraid of everything W now?

They even make the movie The Bridesmaids seem awful in their stupid interview and pictures.  And that movie is superfun!

Why is this happening to me?  Can you help?

Ok...I guess I got lady magazine crazy.  My mom got me a subscription to Rachel Ray.  And then it was so fun just to get something lady in the mail so I kinda got hooked.  They only cost ten dollars.  So I was like okay bring it on Whole Living, yes to Self, alright Fine Cooking!  And somehow W got ordered.

I'm going to go recycle these magazines now.  For you ladies out there.  Be careful of our magazines.  They will upset you and be too big heads and be upsetting to you until you put them in a blue box or grill them.

BUT I DON'T HAVE A GRILL!!!