Good evening,

I went with large print today because I'm scared my eyeballs are failing me. I've been squinting a lot. But I'm more scared that the world is getting smaller.  Don't things seem tinier? The writing on labels?  Dessert servings?  The ladies at the gym?  All seem like they've been zapped with a shrinking laser beam.

Does anyone know where this laser beam is?

I read today that your vision improves when you think you're a fighter pilot.  They tested people in simulators, all scientific-like.  They should have challenging books that shoot things at your faces.  I am going to write that book.  It will shoot little peas at your faces.  It won't hurt but it will be annoying.  But then your vision will improve!

I could also write a challenging book where spiders crawl out while you read.  Call it A Spider's Touch.  I would base it on my experience when I sat on a chair and baby spiders came out of the chair and crawled all over me.  Thousands of spiders.

I'm barely alive. 

Take a moment to check your chairs.